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lstSnowFlake
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Name: Melody
Country: United States
Interests: Writing, Photography, snowboarding, "FRIENDS", theatre, spontaneity, reading, Zelda, Texas Hold 'em, and anything else that is fun and entertaining
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  lstSnowFlake
Member Since:
2/25/2004
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| There have been many times when I have felt unready and unprepared for the future. Though somehow as the time drew near I became ready and prepared, and met the future with confidence and assurance. I always figured that somehow when you realize that you have to be ready because you have no other choice, that somehow you become so and are even able to surpass your own expectations. But now as I sit anticipating this year, this final year at college, I want nothing more than to dig in my heals and yell out "No yet! I'm not ready!" All along I always thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life and now that I'm about to actually face it and make a choice I find that nothing sounds right and what used to be a direction is nothing more than a dirty pit stop on the side of the road. Ideally I want to write. Not for a magazine or a newspaper but just for me. However that is in no way practical nor is it a way to support myself. So is it hopeless or is this just an uprising of my own insecurity with what I consider to be my talents?
I look around me and I feel like all college seniors are feeling this to some degree, however I appear to be the only one tormented by it. Is it just me or am I the only one capable of copiously lamenting? I keep telling myself to look at all that I've accomplished already, and all the ways I have taken initiative to take care of myself and yet somehow I still doubt my ability to do it again in the future. And then there's a part of me that just wants to not have to worry about all of this stuff. That wants to somehow pass this on to a more capable person and let them worry about it. Which I've come to understand is why so many girls get married right out of college. Despite the fact that I've always looked down upon girls who took such paths, I'm begining to find that option more appealing. Not that I want to get married, because I'm pretty sure that would be more terrifying than figuring out what to do with my life, but I do want to relinquish my responsibilities and in a way avoid growing up for just a little longer.
I look back on my childhood and I think how happy I was. I always wanted to be older, but then at the same time there was a contentedness with being who I was, where I was, something that I only can experience in those fleeting moments and then never again. For such is how life passes, carrying us along until one day we realize just how far we've come and that we have no choice but to move forward with the small hope of happiness.
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| All art reaches across that divide
that makes order out of chaos, and embraces the truth that overwhelms
with its presence. and connects man to something larger than himself
and his imagination.
- "The Ground on Which I Stand" by August Wilson
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| There is something exceptionally comforting about sleeping naked wrapped in a sheet.
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| Watching this filled me with an overwhelming sense of helplessness and
a sense of respect for the boundaries they dared to defy. How easily
culture can be redefined.
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| So after taking EMES (Epoch-Making Events in Science) this semester
I've come to a new understand of how much the church distorts the
truth. This class, as one could imagine, is on the history of science.
This study begins with the pre-Socratic Greek philosophers and ends
with Einstein. Along the way we hit largely upon evolution, which is
only natural considering it is a history of science class. What was
interesting to me was to sit there and learn about it from a purely
factual perspective. They gave us the evidences of evolution and also
showed how the other opinions are actually incorrect.
So here I am, having grown up learning that evolution is wrong and that
Creation is correct, and now I discover that evolution doesn't actually
contradict the Bible. Infact it is just as plausible a theory as
anything else we've come up with along the way. But for whatever reason
I'm having a hard time making it all fit inside my brain. I get
microevolution and would consider myself an advocate if the situation
ever arose, but there are aspects of it that I just can't grasp. To
begin with, where does DNA come from? DNA exists in all living things
however it cannot be created. Scientists can recreate it, such as in
cloning, but they cannot create it, so then where did that come from?
Secondly, if we evolved from a shared common ancestor with monkeys, at
what point where we given a soul and free choice? And then why did God
choose the human species to grant this privaledge to? And if we did
evolve over time (as the evidence would suggest) at what point did
original sin come in to play? I understand that the creation story was
first composed orally and then passed down which would result in
changes, as is the case with all oral traditions. And I also understand
that the purpose of the story was to set the nation of Israel apart as
a society that worshiped God not nature, and that the story was written
to point to God as the creator not nature. But I still believe that
first act of sin to be crucial because it places the blame on us. It is
our fault that sin came into the world. For if man has no moment of
definitive choice to disobey God, then it changes sin to man's fault to
sin being just something that exists. It's no longer our fault
transforming us into victims. So if we did evolve when did man first
sin?
I'm not sure why this is all so difficult for me and I wonder how much
of my struggle comes out of the brianwashing I endured as a child.
However I refuse to continue believing in a lie told by the church
which is based on the lie that evolution destorys the need for God.
This isn't true. God could have created through evolution, there is
nothing wrong with that. If God gave man freedom, why couldn't he have
given nature freedom?
And it's not like we've never faced such a controversy before. Look at
Galileo who was on his knees before the inquisition begging them to
accept his heliocentric universe. That contradicted the scripture in
psalms that says "the earth is fixed and shall not move" yet people
eventually got passed that and no one really lost their faith over it.
So why then now are christians so afraid to even learn about evolution.
It's not going to remove God from the picture. Just look to history and
you will see that eventually there will be synthesis.
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